But that was then.
Nowadays, reveling in my new found optimism and take-one-for-the-blog attitude, I find I am actually enjoying the often insane, sometimes inane and frequently deeply inappropriate conversations I keep ending up in. How else do you explain that weekend text? I knew it wasn’t going to tempt him to my place any time this century but I couldn’t resist the kick of getting a reaction.
And clearly I am not alone. Logging in to Guardian Soulmates on Monday morning I was greeted by two messages. One read:
StrangeIrishBoy:
I want that spontaneous moment where someone dares me to strip at a party and I do it.
The other read:
Cheapshot*
“I seem to have got myself into a ridiculous messaging situation with a 29 year old in Northern Ireland...very odd”
It didn’t take a genius…
I could also see that he was online so, at the risk of communicating with a man who’s wanking himself dry behind his computer screen while the good ladies of GS send him their strip stories, I decided to see where this might lead.
Me:
You mean you've never done that?
StrangeIrishBoy:
Never. Have you?
Me:
Not recently. I can't resist a challenge though.
StrangeIrishBoy:
How many times have you done it? All the way? When was the last time? Tell me all!
Me:
Why would I? I'm sitting at my desk pretending to be respectable!
StrangeIrishBoy:
Is that all I'm getting?
Me:
Well...there was an incident in a log cabin in Bavaria. That was fun.
StrangeIrishBoy:
Ski chalet?
Me:
School trip.
And that really is all you're getting. You've got to give to receive...
StrangeIrishBoy:
School trip!
What do I have to give?
Me:
You'll think of something. I have faith.
Radio silence. I’ve lost him.
Me:
Bah! FAIL.
So tell me this instead....how many women replied to the blanket email? You were emailing my best friend only last night....
StrangeIrishBoy:
HaHA! Yeah I'm starting to panic!
Well, a woman last night started telling me what she'd like to do after I strip.
Should I send it?
Me:
Definitely!
StrangeIrishBoy:
HaHA! Here it is!
i like the idea of an open bottle of champagne, I meet you at the door - you can have one sip - then come in, strip, will have a bath run for you - will wash you all over and then dry you off. With a towel or any other method I choose or feel free with your ideas?! What would you like to do?
Me:
Good lord. Just the one sip. She sounds strict.
What did you say to that?!
StrangeIrishBoy:
I played along. She sent more. Should I send it all?
Me:
Why the hell not! You're livening up my Monday morning that's for sure.
StrangeIrishBoy:
Ooh that sounds great!!
He then ACTUALLY sent me the word-for-word conversation he had with some poor woman. Well, I say conversation but she did all the work as she points out in a rather bewildered way in her last message (I will spare you the rest):
Unsuspectingwoman:
well when i have finished massaging you - am hoping that you have kept up! then i think i will climb on top of you and lower myself onto you and then slide up and down until i come and then .... feel free to join in - at the moment I am doing all the work!! I have to go out for 5 mins - you tell me what you are going to do to/for me!!!!
StrangeIrishBoy:
Oh!! Don’t go looking at her profile or she’ll get suspicious I’ve told you!!!!!!
DON’T!!!!!!
She's 41 by the way. And she emailed me some pictures. I could email you them if you really wanted a look.
ERRMM!!! NO THANKS!
Well I guess it's one way to get your kicks. I on the other hand prefer to meet people in real life! Revolutionary I know.
Also, I hope you don't mind but you're probably going to be immortalised on the web. I write a dating blog.... I don't tend to mention that in my profile!
StrangeIrishBoy:
HaHA!! Will I be immortalised with a fake name?!
And the stripping thing isn't dating by the way! It's not a chat-up line!
Me:
You can be called whatever you like. I was going to go with StrangeIrishBoy. I may send you the post when I've done it.
StrangeIrishBoy:
It's been interesting.
Is there any chance we could be friends or am I just material?
*Ok she’s not really going by that name on GS but I’m not gonna tell you her real one am I?
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