DATING FATIGUE PART DEUX

And at the risk of sounding like Craig David...

WEDNESDAY
Tuesday's date launched a text and email assault on my diary. We had agreed Monday for the rerun but by bedtime he had somehow brought this forward to Thursday. Yes, TOMORROW. Was this dude another nutter? I thought I might as well find out sooner rather than later.

THURSDAY
So...the following evening, accompanied by my two dogs, I meet him in my local(ish) boozer. Cue lots of slightly tortured jokes about dogging and dating three women - two of whom turned out to be right bitches. See me cringe? But he was cute, he was keen, he was paying. He was also, unfortunately, driving, which meant as I knocked back the g&ts getting steadily drunker and drunker he was on the water. He also complained from time to time of pain in his ribs. Not being naturally sympathetic I just ignored him but around about the time my face started its customary cycle through the red pantone chart he was putting on an extra jumper and starting to shiver.

Undeterred and aware that I was going to have to make the move or risk reaching THIRD DATE without so much as a peck on the lips (and frankly who has the time to invest in such fruitless dating?) I snogged his face off in the street. Poor boy (I say boy - the man's 36 for god's sake) was terrified. And frankly I was disappointed; kissing my own knee would have been more exciting. At this point the cringe-factor rocketed off the scale. I can't bring myself to relate what was said but the word 'minx' was involved and a later text message spoke of our 'fabulous kiss'. Good lord. Not from where I was standing!

The following day my poor love-sick boy texted me from his sick bed, wrapped in blankets and worried I might have caught his bug. Not helpful when I'm trying to erase all memory of the evening from my brain but at least his incapacitation gives me a few days breathing space to figure out how I wriggle out of this one!

Of course I could just send him a link to this post...