Friday 14 May 2010

A little something for the weekend...

Look what we found!!! (sorry but this merits multiple exclamation marks. You'll see.) Yes, whilst having a recent rummage around her office my esteemed co-blogger came across a copy of A COMPLETE GUIDE TO KISSING by Nick Fisher. Meant for teenagers and published in 1997 - there must be some veeeery confused 20 somethings out there after receiving this advice. Here are just a couple of gems:

EYE KISSING
Closed eyelids make beautiful kissing targets. They are shaped like lips and the skin is soft and warm. To run your tongue gently around the eyelash and eyebrow or even feel the fluid mobility of the eyeball underneath can be a joy for both parties.


Eh?

PRACTICE
A lot of people worry about the technique of kissing..(and)..think about what it must be like to be kissed by them. But of course you'll never know because you can't kiss youself. Or can you? If you want to know what your lips feel like, practise on the back of your hand or on your knee. You can even draw a pair of lips on the fleshy top of your knee to give you something to aim at....Traditionally, pillows are recommended as good things to practise kissing on...The only trouble with too much pillow-kissing is that it dries out your lips, and, let's face it, it's a long way from the real thing!


Well thank goodness that's been cleared up for me. I shall be sure to tongue my next date's eyelids and I already know my pillow is a great snog so I guess I'm all set! Ok, ok, one more and this is one I'm sure we all remember from school disco days...

FRENCH EAR KISS
Gently plunge your tongue into your partner's ear. Hot, wet and succulent.


And if that hasn't got you in the mood for some loving this weekend then frankly I give up. Or throw up. Probably throw up actually after that. No seriously, keep your tongue OUT of my ear!

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