Jessica was the cool one

Hello all,

At the request of the nauseatingly loved-up Hackney Girl I will be contributing to her beloved blog until she works out what the catch is (serial killer? It's still an option . . . ).
I've been going for the carpet bomb approach to meeting a man for the last couple of weeks (last week I managed 4 dates), and it has made me realise several things:

1. Just because a man writes a good email, that doesn't mean he can string a sentence together.
2. I only have four anecdotes and they're all a bit shit.
3. If all you do all week is go on dates, it's quite hard to answer the question 'so what have you been up to this week?' with anything other than 'stuff'.

But, whilst they've failed to set my world alight with their sparkling wit and big manly thighs, the men I've dated so far have at least provided some blog fodder...

Example 1:
Apropos of nothing, the first date of the week (let's call him Museum Boy) came up with the following:

MB: You know it's because we're bipedal.

Me: Um, what is?

MB: The fact that the female orgasm is so elusive.

Me: um...

MB: When we were all wandering about on four legs, doing it doggy-style, it was fine. Because, you know, the angle, and the friction and stuff.

Me: Um. Oh. Ha ha.

It's been suggested to me that a more appropriate response would have been 'your mum's bipedal', but I do think I should have informed him that a) it's not that elusive, b) there's really nothing to stop you doing it doggy-style despite the fact that you have arms, and c) when the fuck were we quadrupeds? but I think my knowledge of evolution might have been vastly inferior to his, so I let it be .

Example 2: Again, out of nowhere, date 2 (let's call him ENORMOUS nostril boy) came up with:

ENB: I stopped wearing a watch when I realised that Jessica Fletcher didn't wear one.

Me: Oh, um, really? Like as in Murder She Wrote? Angela Lansbury? Really?

ENB: Oh! No! Oh my god, that's so embarrassing. No, I meant - oh shit, what was her name - they were twins - she was the cool, naughty one.

Me: (disbelieving) Jessica from Sweet Valley High?

ENB: Yes! She was much cooler than the other one. And she didn't wear a watch.

No second date for you, you big freak. Although he's right, Elizabeth was lame.

Aaanyway, last night I had my first SECOND DATE. I had to see him again, because he hadn't said or done anything blog-worthy yet - he's just nice, and tall, and has hair as soft as a baby bunny. He kissed me, finally, just as we were about to part company at the end of the evening, and the moment was marred only by the whimpering homeless person and her two dogs who were sitting at our feet at the time. He will be getting a THIRD DATE, but remember, nothing interesting is allowed until FIFTH DATE. In the meantime, I have another date tonight, and have had a call from the weeping rock-star. More of both of those if they become interesting . . .