Friday, 1 July 2011


My ex had many faults, but his grammar and punctuation was excellent. It was chief among the attributes I found so attractive in him. This may tell you a lot about our relationship.

Anyway, being an editor and therefore surrounded by similarly anal word Nazis, it wasn't until I launched myself onto the dating scene that I encountered the all encompassing wave of emoticons that had entered our communication landscape.* There they are in their ubiquitous glory - winking, blinking, smiling, crying - and probably even puking. I am surrounded. I have not however, even once, given in and used one . . . until a boy made me do it.

I can't believe I caved! I've slagged them off in dating profiles and on dates (I'm a really fun date me) and I've learnt to mentally filter out the winky, blinky, tongue sticky outy smiley faces that deface the billet doux of our digital age. I no longer fume at the idea that I am not capable of deducing someone's tone without a gigantic flashing signpost pointing me in the right direction but neither have a I EVER, EVER used one. In fact I have one friend who communicates with me solely with emoticons these days just to piss me off. I claim not to understand a word he says.

So how on earth did I stoop so low? It was a boy wot made me do it. A hot boy who I never should have sent that last text to. And I NEVER should have included that smiley. And the worst of it? 23 hours later and HE STILL HASN'T REPLIED.

I hate myself.

*Yes, I am aware (thank you Wikipedia) that smileys have a rich heritage traceable back as far as the 19th century and I'm sure they're not actually the root of all evil. It's a personal thing - I fucking hate them.

1 comment:

  1. The smiley: a better method of denoting sarcasm in text form than use of the word 'LOL'. Discuss