GROUNDHOG DATE

The anaesthetist* has gone! Vanished! Disparu! Which means my merciless (not to mention pointless) online stalking of him must cease.

This is a shame because I’d only just figured out courtesy of fashion friend - the original internet dating queen - that it’s possible to search for people by name on Soulmates WITHOUT LOGGING IN (and therefore disclosing that you have ‘looked’ at them). This is epic, life-changing information and opens up a world of repercussion-free perving possiblities which fashion friend and I have been exploiting shamelessly ever since. For example, we had much fun recently deciding whether One-EyedJeff really did have a glass eye or not (he did) . . . And it took several glasses of cava before we could decide if it was ok that one guy wanted to cover fashion friend in fluorescent paint so he could see her sleeping at night (we decided it was fine – must have drunk more than we thought). Crazy times I tell you. Still, we were justified in a little pointing and laughing session given she’d just hot-taxied it over to mine to download after a truly disastrous date. I’ll let her post that one for you though…or I would but she’s jetted off to be glamorous somewhere hot right now. Oh how the other half live.

Meanwhile, back in my world, things with KB2 (Kent boy the second) are grinding inexorably to a halt. He’s charming, and pretty (in a beat up, slightly chavvy way) and he has the ability to reduce me to a giggling mess just by looking at me but the movie of my life right now would be GROUNDHOG DATE. I like a bit of momentum, me. A bit of giddy, girlish excitement – who doesn’t? And dates that take 4 days of tedious emailing to set up do not set the scene for romance. Neither does an invitation to his house which turned from opportunity-to-demonstrate-husband-material-cooking-skills into cheese-on-toast-and-a-bonk. The fact that in the 3 hours I was there he took no less than 3 phone calls, during one of which I found a woman's hair grip on the floor, and then unceremoniously packed me off home so he could prepare for a meeting didn't help either! Oh and did I mention the cat sick on the bedroom floor? Not that I can really talk on that score...still, less than impressed! Naturally I expressed my less-than-impressedness to him a couple of nights ago and he swore blind he’d make it up to me and that from now on he would show me ‘a whole lot of love’. Love shown to date: one text message.

NEXT!


*the man who broke my heart after one date.