FEEL THE BURN

Hello, hello. I wanted to write something but I’m not sure what it is I want to say so I’m just going to scribble and see what comes out . . .

This weekend I had the heart-warming experience of hearing that someone had highly recommended my blog to my best friend not realising the connection or indeed who I was. I was so excited by this news that I literally jumped up and down beaming in front of a room full of strangers. I was also drunk – but you could argue, when am I not? And judging by the number of people who seem to know the intimate details of my ‘love’ (I use that term in the loosest sense) life the blog is very much out there in the world - although if someone would please just post a comment directly rather than emailing me I would probably seek them out and snog them. Perhaps this is why people don’t comment?

Still, people are reading it and that makes me happy, but for the first time I’m also experiencing a certain amount of disapproval . . . a certain eyebrow-raising at my blasé attitude. Granted these are people who’ve never joined the internet dating craze and don’t know how heavily insulated your heart, and ego, has to be to survive, especially if you’re a naturally thin-skinned creature as I am. But funnily enough although the person who gave me a huge mouthful about it the other night claimed never to have internet dated I had actually seen his (rubbish) profile on GSM a year before! He insisted – loudly in front of a pub full of people - that men only date for sex, vehemently affirmed that I would never have a meaningful relationship with someone I met on the net and that what I really ought to do to meet men was join a book club (or some such wholesome activity). He was more than a little pissed off therefore when I pointed out that the reason he was bitter was cos he’d tried and failed at it. Still, whatever his motives, it was a nasty shock and it reminded me that dating is an incredibly emotive topic – after all it literally could not be more personal. And after nearly 2 years of emotional upheavals of all varieties I think I may have finally reached total burn out. So guess what?

NEWSFLASH: I’M, LIKE, SO OVER IT.

And I even wonder if the truth of the matter is I actually don’t want a boyfriend at all. I know, I know, I’ve made these protestations before and the Man Ban didn’t exactly work out so well but this time I really mean it. Ok, technically I’m seeing someone – let’s call him TV man - at the moment but it’s pretty half-hearted so I’m gonna let that one run its course. And I’ll see how tonight goes with Clapham Dough Boy (yes 4 months between dates is unorthodox but hey, he wore me down) but again unlikely to go anywhere.

Right now it’s all about having my very own roof over my head, finally emptying out that suitcase, getting my doggies back and re-embracing the gentle art of domesticity. Hackneygirl is going back to Hackney, and for now anyway, she’s offline-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------